M Puzzle: Don't Make Me Say This Twice

by Matt Wulf

Hover over each letter in the epitaph with a mouse; you will see one or more words that, read across, spell a semi-readable text:

Beforehand, untreasured, refigured craftily churchyards--enigmatical engraved admonition shields warnings (moderately undiscernible). Multiply warned, anticly divulging manager advises distinguished science institute regarding conspiring varletry. Excited, tormented manager--suspecting warily nasty corporate assassination--politicly tries disguising messages; thereafter, heinously ambiguous, gloriously zany, oblique puzzles tormenting intellectual students (managing lamentably). Laboursome mutations; executor, amidst extraordinarily thornier difficulties restraining indiscreet carelessness, knowingly cites tablet. Actual communication anticipating demise describes remarkable information: marvellously guileful, wittily disturbing bards scribbled prolixity encountering Martin's Lutheran Rex Junes-Ore, Fridays reddest herrings diversely challenges. Untrained novices fiercely persevere, galloping audaciously really busily forwards. Circumspect winners brightly shunning doubles, valuing singleness, sorting otherwhere undoubtedly alphabetical indexes exposing transformations, infallibly resolving distractions. Dismantle linguist opposers everywhere preparing abbominable spelling roguery befitting jesters succeeders; readily untwine woefullest fellest obstacles.
The words map to the letter you hover over. All the words occur once or twice in Shakespeare's complete works, according to the online Moby Shakespeare (http://www.concordance.com/shak.htm)--clued by the slight blurring of MYOB in the image. The source matters because some texts standardize the spelling of, say, "warn'd", whereas Moby has "warned" once and "warn'd" everywhere else.

Here is a list in epitaph order, including number of times in Shakespeare and sources (order differs slightly from HTML file where more than one word maps to a letter):

G        BEFOREHAND      2 (JOH-5-7_; RAP )
O        UNTREASURED     1 (LIK-2-2)
O        REFIGURED       1 (SON-1-1)
D        CRAFTILY        2 (mea-2-4; oth-2-3)
F        CHURCHYARDS     2 (HAM-3-2; MID-3-2)
R        ENIGMATICAL     1 (MUC-5-4)
E        ENGRAVED        2 (1H6-2-2; TWO-2-7)
N        ADMONITION      2 (R2-2-1; MEA-3-2)
D        SHIELDS         2 (COR-1-4; COR-1-4)
F        WARNINGS        2 (ALL-2-1; JUL-2-2)
O        MODERATELY      2 (LLL-1-1; ROM-2-6)
R        UNDISCERNIBLE   1 (MEA-5-1)
I        MULTIPLY        1 (WIN-1-2)
I        WARNED          1 (H5-3-7)<-- NOTE: NOT THE SAME AS WARN'D
I        ANTICLY         1 (MUC-5-1)
E        DIVULGING       1 (HAM-4-1)
S        MANAGER         2 (LLL-1-2; MID-5-1)
V        ADVISES         2 (TIM-4-3; 12N-2-5)
S        SCIENCE         2 (ALL-5-3; MEA-1-1)
A        INSTITUTE       2 (1H6-4-1; TAM-1-1)
K        REGARDING       1 (TWO-3-1)
K        CONSPIRING      1 (WIN-3-2)
K        VARLETRY        1 (ANT-5-2)
E        EXCITED         1 (CYM-5-5)
F        TORMENTED       1 (ROM-1-2)
F        MANAGER         2 (SEE ABOVE)
O        SUSPECTING      1 (ROM-5-2)
R        WARILY          2 (H5-3-7; LLL-5-2)
B        NASTY           2 (HAM-3-4; H5-2-1)
E        CORPORATE       2 (2H4-3-2; TIM-2-2)
A        ASSASSINATION   1 (MAC-1-7)
R        POLITICLY       2 (2H6-3-1; TAM-4-1)
E        TRIES           1 (RAP)
T        disguising      2 (MAC-3-2; TWO-2-6)
O        messages        2 (MER-1-1; ROM-2-5)
D        thereafter      1 (2H4-3-2)
I        ambiguous       1 (HAM-1-5)
I        heinously       1 (1H4-3-3)
G        gloriously      2 (MID-3-2; VEN)
G        zany            1 (LLL-5-2)
T        oblique         2 (TIM-4-3; TRO-5-1)
H        puzzles         1 (HAM-3-1)
E        tormenting      2 (HAM-1-5; R3-1-3)
D        intellectual    2 (COM-2-1; H5-3-7)
V        students        1 (LLL-2-1)
S        managing        2 (H5-5-2; MUC-2-3)
T        lamentably      2 (ANT-3-10; WIN-4-4)
E        laboursome      2 (CYM-3-4; HAM-1-2)
N        mutations       1 (LEA-4-1)
C        executor        2 (TEM-3-1; SON-1-1)
L        amidst          1 (TRO-1-3)
O        extraordinarily 2 (2H4-1-2; 2H4-2-4)
A        thornier        1 (PER-4-6)
S        difficulties    2 (MEA-4-2; TRO-2-2)
E        restraining     2 (TIM-5-1; WIN-1-2)
D        indiscreet      2 (LLL-4-2; OTH-2-3)
H        carelessness    1 (COR-2-1)
E        knowingly       2 (ALL-1-3; CYM-3-3)
A        cites           2 (3H6-2-1; ALL-1-3)
R        tablet          1 (CYM-5-4)
E        ACTUAL          2 (MAC-5-1; OTH-4-2)
B        communication   2 (H5-3-2; H8-1-1)
L        anticipating    1 (TRO-4-5)
E        demise          1 (R3-4-4)
S        describes       2 (TIT-4-1; TRO-2-3)
T        remarkable      2 (ANT-4-15; CYM-4-1)
E        information     2 (COR-4-6; MEA-3-2)
B        marvellously    2 (H5-3-6; MER-1-1)
E        guileful        2 (1H6-1-1; TIT-5-1)
Y        WITTILY         2 (12N-4-2; VEN)
E        disturbing      2 (COR-4-5;VEN)
M        bards           1 (ANT-3-2)
M        prolixity       2 (MER-3-1; ROM-1-4)
M        scribbled       2 (2H6-4-2; JOH-5-7)
A        encountering    2 (COR-1-6; TRO-3-2)
N        martin's        1 (1H6-1-2)
Y        lutheran        1 (H8-3-2)
Y        rex             2 (H5-5-2; H8-3-2)
T        Junes           1 (SON-1-1)
T        ore             2 (ALL-3-6; HAM-4-1)
S        fridays         2 (LIK-4-1; MEA-3-2)
P        diversely       1 (COR-2-3)
P        reddest         1 (MER-2-1)
P        herrings        2 (2H6-4-2; 12N-3-1)
A        challenges      1 (ALL-2-3)
R        untrained       1 (LLL-4-2)
E        novices         2 (ALL-2-1; TAM-2-1)
S        fiercely        1 (3H6-2-1)
T        persevere       1 (LEA-3-5)
H        galloping       1 (MAC-4-1)
E        audaciously     2 (LLL-5-2; RAP)
S        really          1 (HAM-5-2)
S        busily          2 (1H4-5-5; TIT-4-1)
T        forwards        1 (SON-1-1)
O        circumspect     2 (2H6-1-1; R3-4-2)
N        winners         2 (2H6-3-1; WIN-5-3)
E        brightly        2 (MER-5-1; TIT-4-2)
S        shunning        2 (COR-1-3; H8-1-1)
A        doubles         1 (VEN)
A        valuing         1 (MUC-4-1)
A        singleness      2 (ROM-2-4; SON-1-1)
N        sorting         1 (MID-5-1)
D        otherwhere      2 (COM-2-1; H8-2-2)
C        undoubtedly     1 (H8-4-2)
V        alphabetical    1 (12N-2-5)
R        indexes         1 (TRO-1-3)
S        exposing        2 (CYM-3-4; HAM-4-4)
T        transformations 1 (WIN-4-4)
B        infallibly      2 (HAM-5-2; LLL-4-2)
E        resolving       1 (RAP)
H        distractions    2 (ANT-3-7; TEM-3-3)
E        dismantle       2 (LEA-1-1; WIN-4-4)
Y        LINGUIST        2 (ALL-4-3; TWO-4-1)
T        OPPOSERS        2 (COR-1-5; COR-2-1)
M        EVERYWHERE      2 (COM-4-2; MID-2-1)
O        PREPARING       2 (COR-5-2; JOH-5-7)
V        abbominable     1 (LLL-5-1)
V        spelling        1 (1H6-5-3)
E        ROGUERY         2 (1H4-2-4; TRO-5-2)
S        befitting       1 (TEM-5-1)
M        JESTERS         2 (1H4-3-2; LEA-5-3)
Y        SUCCEEDERS      2 (R3-4-4; R3-5-5)
B        READILY         2 (2H6-5-2; RAP)
O        UNTWINE         2 (2H4-2-4; CYM-4-2)
N        woefullest      1 (R2-4-1)
E        fellest         2 (COR-4-4; TRO-5-7)
S        obstacles       2 (R3-1-4; R3-3-7)

As directed by the message, take the words that only occur once and arrange them alphabetically, then read the corresponding epitaph letters in that order like so:

V        abbominable
V        alphabetical
I        ambiguous
L        amidst
L        anticipating
I        ANTICLY
M        bards
S        befitting
H        carelessness
A        challenges
E        demise
P        diversely
A        doubles
E        EXCITED
S        fiercely
T        forwards
H        galloping
I        heinously
R        indexes
T        Junes
Y        lutheran
N        martin's
N        mutations
T        persevere
H        puzzles
S        really
P        reddest
E        resolving
N        sorting
V        spelling
V        students
R        tablet
D        thereafter
A        thornier
T        transformations
E        TRIES
C        undoubtedly
R        untrained
A        valuing
I        WARNED
N        woefullest
G        zany

Reading the epitaph letters down, you get: VVILLIAM SHAKESPEARES THIRTYNINTH VVORD AFTER CROAKING, which sounds, on the surface, like "communicating from beyond the grave". The word "croaking" occurs only once in Shakespeare, in Hamlet III.ii. Counting 39 words after "croaking" gives you the answer: DIRE.