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2.723

Tea Room

You enter a room of frantic activity, where a number of strange holograms are continuously passing papers and changing seats with each other.

The rules:

At this tea party, ten different fictional and historical characters pass around sheets of paper and switch seats, modifying the strings of letters on the papers if they can. The instructions below for each character and for the entire group will tell you how the sheets of paper are to be passed around and modified, and which characters should move where when.

If you are told to move to a new place, modify your new paper unless explicitly told otherwise.

To modify a string on a sheet of paper, draw a line through the string and write the new string under it, which becomes the new active string.

When told to fold the sheet of paper in your possession, please fold it in half. If you receive a sheet of paper that has been folded in half, you must not modify the active string written on it; however, you are required to unfold the sheet of paper, so that the subsequent person can modify the string. This unfolding counts as modifying the paper, so that if everyone is told to modify their paper and you have a folded paper, you should unfold the paper.

A queue of items will be created for the benefit of one of the characters. When a character is told to put an item on the queue, they write the item on the piece of paper designated for the queue. The next item to be put on the queue goes under that string. The character who removes items from the queue always takes the first item, crossing it off so that the second item is the next to be removed, and so on.

Always use lowercase letters when writing on the sheets of paper, and ignore all punctuation.

The phrase adjacent to is shorthand for 'kitty corner from, next to, or across from'.

Two characters will find the following definitions useful:

The seats at the table will be given numbers at the start of the party that will never change. The seats themselves will never move. A character's seat number at any given moment is the number corresponding to the seat that they currently occupy.

The papers will also be given numbers at the beginning of the party that do not change. A character's paper number is the number corresponding to the paper they currently hold (not to be confused with any numbers subsequently written on the paper).

The instruction number is the number corresponding to the current instruction.

The strange people:

Amelia: Replaces an English word, letter, or pair of letters (with each letter spoken as if spelled out) with its shortest homophone. The homophone may be only an English word, a letter, or a pair of letters spoken as if spelled out.

Buffy: Removes every instance of the letters that occur in VAMPIRE. If a string has only such letters, removes the letters and stakes the sheet of paper, causing it to crumble into dust.

Cleopatra: If you are told explicitly in an instruction that you personally should use a number n, converts n to mod 9 and then appends that letter in her name to the beginning of the string. If not given a number in the current instruction, removes every instance of letters that occur in CLEOPATRA.

Hatter: Does not modify any strings, but reads the instructions out loud, and, being insane, does other crazy things, such as eating the exit sign when it magically appears.

Julius: Does a Caesar shift of n letters on the string. If explicit directions for how he should calculate n are not provided in the current instruction, uses most recent instruction given him for calculating n, and recalculates n using current values of the variables in the instruction. If n is negative, shifts that number of letters backwards; |n| may also be greater than 26, in which case go through the alphabet again.

Koko: Removes the first letter of a string, as long as it is not also the last letter.

Maurits: Reverses the string, unless it is a palindrome of more than one letter, in which case rotates it 180 degrees.

Odo: Remove first item in the queue and appends it to the end of the string, unless there is an odd number of people seated at the table, in which case takes the first item in the queue and appends it both to the front and the end of the string, unless the item is food, in which case eats it and does nothing to the string. If the queue is empty, does nothing.

Victor: If the string is a spelled-out English number, an English word that is a homophone of an English number, or a Roman or Arabic numeral, adds one to the number. The result is always a spelled-out English number, unless the number is greater than fifty, in which case the result is to be written in Arabic numerals.

Zeno: If the string is a spelled-out English number, an English word that is a homophone of an English number, or a Roman or Arabic numeral, halves the number. The result is always a spelled-out English number, unless the number is greater than fifty, in which case the result is to be written in Arabic numerals.

The instructions:

Please make a duck sandwich and enough tea for ten people. Have a sheet of paper (blank on both sides) and a writing implement for each person, as well as an extra sheet of paper for the queue. Seat yourselves at the table as below:

HVBAC
ZMKJO

  1. Beginning with person to the left of the Hatter and proceeding clockwise in order, please write out the numbers "ONE" through "TEN" on the papers. The seat you are now sitting in will have the same number as you are writing on this paper throughout the tea party, although you and the paper will move.
  2. Please hand your paper to the person on your left, so that all the papers rotate clockwise one place. If you can modify the paper you receive, do so. Julius, please use the square of the paper number.
  3. People in the same row as the Hatter, please move one seat to the left, wrapping around, with your papers.
  4. Those sitting anywhere to the Hatter's left, please switch papers with the person across the table and modify the paper you receive if possible.
  5. Two people across from each other now have prepositions written on their papers. Please put the shorter of the two on the queue.
  6. Except for the pair mentioned in (5), who should do nothing, please rotate counterclockwise one seat, with your papers. Those who just moved, please switch your papers across the table. If you can modify the paper you receive, do so. Julius, please use the result of subtracting the instruction number from the paper number.
  7. Buffy, Julius, and Maurits, please rotate clockwise amongst yourselves, without your papers. Do not modify your new paper.
  8. Buffy, Julius, and Maurits, please modify your papers.
  9. Hatter, Victor, and Zeno, please fold your papers.
  10. Maurits and Victor, please switch places, without your papers. Do not modify your new papers. Three of the active strings should now be symbols for chemical elements.
  11. Everyone please pass your paper three places to the right, so that the papers rotate counterclockwise three places. If you can modify the paper you receive, do so.
  12. Hatter, please put your active string into the queue, and then please sit down under the table (but keep passing papers as if you were still seated at the table). Odo, please fold your paper.
  13. Amelia and Buffy, please switch places; Zeno and Julius, please switch places. Everyone please take your papers with you. Three of the active strings should be numbers, which should add up to thirteen. (You may briefly open a folded paper to check this, and then fold it again.)
  14. Please pass your papers one place to the right, so that the papers rotate one place counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so (you too, Amelia). Julius, please use the result of adding your seat number and the most recent number by which you shifted letters.
  15. Cleopatra and Maurits, please fold your papers.
  16. The two pairs of adjacent people in the same row as the Hatter's empty chair, please switch places within the pairs, taking your papers with you.
  17. Please pass your papers four places to the right, so that the papers rotate four places counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so.
  18. Zeno, please put what is written on your paper in the queue, and then fold your paper.
  19. If you your active string is a preposition, please put it into the queue.
  20. Hatter, please return to your seat at the table. Everyone, please pass your papers two places to the left, so that the papers rotate two places clockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so. Julius, please use the square of the most recent number by which you shifted letters. Someone should now have an active string which is the name of a TV character.
  21. Koko, Maurits, and Victor, please fold your papers.
  22. Amelia, please put what is written on your paper into the queue.
  23. If you have a state postal abbreviation written on your paper, please put it into the queue.
  24. Victor and Julius, please switch places, taking your papers. Maurits, please switch places with the Hatter, both taking your papers.
  25. Please pass your papers five places to the right, so that the papers rotate five places counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, do so.
  26. Cleopatra, please fold your paper.
  27. Zeno, please switch places with the Hatter, taking your papers with you.
  28. Cleopatra, Zeno, Buffy, and Koko, please rotate your papers one place amongst yourselves clockwise and then please immediately rotate seats clockwise with your new papers. Now please modify your papers. Cleopatra, please use your seat number.
  29. If you have a Romance language article written on your paper, please put it into the queue.
  30. Victor, please fold your paper.
  31. Hatter, please put the duck sandwich into the queue.
  32. Please pass your papers one place to the left, so that the papers rotate one place clockwise, and modify your new paper if you can do so. Julius, please use the negative of the sum of the instruction number and your seat number.
  33. There are two papers with the same active string. Please put that string in the queue.
  34. Julius, please put your active string (which is not an English word) into the queue.
  35. The three middle pairs, please switch your papers with the person across the table. Those sitting on the corners on the same side as the Hatter, please switch papers with each other. The remaining two people, do nothing. Please modify your new paper if you can do so. Julius, use the result of subtracting your seat number from your paper number.
  36. Buffy, please put your active string into the queue.
  37. Amelia, Hatter, and Koko, please fold your paper.
  38. Cleopatra, Hatter, Julius, and Victor, please rotate amongst yourselves one place counterclockwise, without your papers. Do not modify your new paper.
    At this point, please call headquarters to confirm that you are in the right configuration. Thank you.
  39. Please pass your papers three places to the right, so that the papers rotate three places counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, do so. Julius, use the result of adding your seat number to twice your paper number.
  40. Maurits, please put your active string into the queue.
  41. Amelia, Buffy, Cleopatra, Odo, and Zeno, please rotate two seats clockwise, with your papers. Hatter, please run around the table drinking from everyone's tea, and then please stand upon the table (but still passing papers as you would have, had you remained seated at the table.)
  42. Please switch papers with the person across the table and modify the paper you receive if possible. Julius, use the result of subtracting three halves of your paper number from your seat number.
  43. Julius, please put the letter that appears twice in your active string into the queue.
  44. Hatter, please fold your paper and return to your seat.
  45. Julius and Koko, please switch places, with your papers. Buffy and Cleopatra, please switch places, with your papers.
  46. Please pass your papers two places to the left, so that the papers rotate two places clockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so. Cleopatra, please use the absolute value of the difference between your seat number and your paper number. Julius, please also use the number that Cleopatra has just calculated.
  47. Hatter, Julius, Maurits, and Odo, please fold your papers.
  48. Amelia and Cleopatra, please switch places, with your papers.
  49. Those whose active strings are numbers (they should add up to eleven), please pass your paper that number of places to the right. Everyone else, please pass your paper to the next available place to the right. Modify your paper if possible. Cleopatra, please use the number that is one more than your seat number.
  50. Cleopatra, please put what is written on your paper into the queue.
  51. Buffy and Cleopatra, please switch places, with your papers. Odo, please switch places with the Hatter, with your papers.
  52. Please switch papers with the person across the table and modify the paper you receive if possible. Cleopatra, please use the number that is one less than your seat number.
  53. Cleopatra, Hatter, and Odo, please fold your papers.
  54. Hatter, Julius, and Maurits, please rotate clockwise one place, with your papers.
  55. Please pass your papers two places to the left, so that the papers rotate two places clockwise. Modify your papers if possible (you too, Amelia). Julius, please use the result of dividing the instruction number by your seat number and rounding up to the nearest integer.
  56. Amelia and Koko, please switch places, taking your papers with you. Buffy and Victor, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  57. Cleopatra and Julius, please switch places, taking your papers with you. Victor and Zeno, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  58. Please switch papers with the person across the table and modify the paper you receive if possible. Julius, please use your seat number.
  59. Cleopatra, Hatter, and Julius, please fold your paper.
  60. Everyone please move one place clockwise, with your papers.
  61. Maurits and Odo, please switch places, with your papers.
  62. Please pass your papers one place to the left, so that the papers rotate one place clockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so. Julius, please use half your paper number.
  63. Amelia, Maurits, and Odo, please rotate one place counterclockwise with your papers.
  64. Julius, Victor, and Zeno, please move one place to the right, wrapping around, taking your papers with you.
  65. The side with the Hatter in it, please move two seats to the right, wrapping around, taking your papers with you.
  66. Please pass your papers three places to the left, so that the papers rotate three places clockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so. (You too, Amelia.) Koko, please modify your paper again. Cleopatra, please use half your paper number. Julius, please use the sum of the instruction number and twice the paper number. Two people should now have the same active string.
  67. Amelia, Maurits, and Zeno, please fold your papers.
  68. Buffy, Julius, Victor, and Zeno, please move one place to the left, wrapping around, taking your papers with you.
  69. Please switch papers with the person across the table and modify the paper you receive if possible.
  70. Maurits, please put what is written on your paper into the queue.
  71. Maurits and Victor, please fold your papers.
  72. Maurits and Odo, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  73. The Hatter and those adjacent to the Hatter, please pass your papers one place counterclockwise amongst yourselves, and modify your new paper if possible.Everyone else, please pass your papers one place clockwise, and modify your new paper if possible. Cleopatra, please use one more than your seat number. Julius, please use half your seat number.
  74. Zeno, please fold your paper.
  75. Julius, Maurits, and Odo, please pass your papers one place clockwise, and modify your new paper if you can do so. Cleopatra and Zeno, please switch your papers, modifying your new paper if possible.
  76. Amelia, Hatter, Victor, and Zeno, please fold your papers.
  77. Cleopatra and Odo, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  78. Koko and Maurits, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  79. Please pass your papers two places to the right, so that the papers rotate two places counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so. Cleopatra, please use the sum of your seat number and your paper number. Julius, please use the result of subtracting your paper number from your seat number.
  80. Buffy and Zeno, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  81. Maurits and Victor, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  82. Cleopatra and Julius, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  83. Amelia and Koko, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  84. Amelia and Cleopatra, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  85. Please pass your papers one place to the right, so that the papers rotate one place counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so (you too, Zeno). Cleopatra, please use the positive square root of your paper number. Julius, please use the result of subtracting Cleopatra's seat number from her paper number.
  86. Hatter, Odo and Zeno, please fold your papers.
  87. Amelia, Buffy, and Hatter, please rotate one place clockwise, taking your papers with you.
  88. Julius and Odo, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  89. Julius and Koko, please switch places, taking your papers with you. Maurits and Zeno, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  90. Julius, Maurits, and Victor, please rotate one place clockwise, taking your papers with you.
  91. Please pass your papers two places to the right, so that the papers rotate two places counterclockwise. If you can modify the paper you receive, please do so. Cleopatra, please use the result of subtracting your seat number from your paper number. Julius, please use the instruction number.
  92. Cleopatra and Odo, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  93. Buffy and the Hatter, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  94. Amelia and Victor, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  95. Please switch papers with the person across the table and modify the paper you receive if possible. Cleopatra, please use the number you used last. Julius, please use the result of subtracting Cleopatra's seat number from your seat number.
  96. Cleopatra and Maurits, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  97. Victor and Zeno, please switch places, taking your papers with you.
  98. Starting with the person immediately to the left of the Hatter, read your paper out loud, continuing with the person four places to the right, the person four places to their right, and so on.
  99. When the first person would have gone again, instead have person to that person's left read, and again continue to right four people, and so on.