You are in a small squarish room. There are stairs to the north and a dark tunnel south. There is a box labelled "Acme" here.

> open box

The box is empty.

> go tunnel

You can't go that way. Looks like someone's already tried.

> go n You climb __ steps and find yourself in a

Deserted Hallway

Water glints to the north, and burbles to the west. Geography is weird. A door leads off to the east.

> go n

__ right turns later, you are confronted with a


Off to the west you can see ships setting off to sea, a stark contrast to the tunnel leading east.

> go e

Entering the tunnel, you duck under __ overhead lights and find yourself in

Disney World

Aaughh! There are little brats everywhere! All the exits are east, but for a bottomless shaft leading down into blackness.

> go down

Fleeing the multitudes of children whining for candy, you plunge headfirst down the shaft. Cleverly avoiding being eaten by a grue, you plummet approximately __ stories, emerging dazed and disoriented into an anteroom. You lurch through some doors on your right and end up


Wow, there's a lot of stuff out here. But no mailboxes, swords, or gazebos, thank goodness. You notice a path running north and south. From the north you feel a strong breeze. Along the southern path you catch a glimpse of a mystic symbol high above the ground.

> go s

You move in to get a closer look at the symbol, but the digits on it mean little. Disappointed, you shield your eyes from the lurid glare and continue through the archway into an open field. Eek! Enemies! Running pell-mell through the field, you shy from the __ imposing figures to your right, disturbed beyond measure by their round faces and reserved expressions. You head for a door in the western wall, shove it open, and enter

The Most Boring Hallway Ever

Eh. It's a hallway. North or south.

> go s

You yawn and stroll south into the


It's an oddly silent market. Vendors stare blankly at you, passively offering up their wares. Perhaps they have submitted to the controlling forces nearby, the __ red-framed black faces keeping watch. You notice stairs ascending behind the vendors.

> go up

After only __ flights of stairs, you emerge into

Emancipator's Hall

You feel like signing some documents of manumission just standing here. Believe it or not, being a public servant is beginning to sound like fun. Exits are sprinkled liberally throughout the hall, to the north, south, up, down, and east.

> go e

You instantly regret your decision to head east, as the ceiling makes you seasick. You focus your attention on the doorways instead, counting __ of differing widths until the ceiling is calm once more and you reach a rest area. Your stomach settled, you move on to the


Not much grass here, but it's a serviceable little place. Confused humans wander the walkways, contemplating the mysteries of the cosmos. Exits lead southwest and north, and there is a stairwell here.

> go up

You reach the top of the stairs and find yourself in a


You hear a martin singing. Examining the area, you note a set of stairs carved into a tree and ascend. Up the tree you have a nice view of the entire area, and -- gadzooks -- there are alien spacecraft up here! You count __ UFOs focusing their abduction beams on you as you cross the outstretched tree limb and climb down the other tree. That was close. As you reach the bottom of the tree, you have but one place to go -- an archway leading north.

> go n

You head north into a place with many staircases.

Escher Maze

Well. There are a lot of staircases here. Some lead up to tables, some lead out of sight up or down. You take the path north that involves no staircases (you've read about these things) and proceed down a corridor. You pass __ red pillars before reaching a stairwell. Exits are north, south, west, and down.

> go down

You head down the stairs to floor __, and off to your right you see the

Primary Fabric Research Center

Exits are west, east, south, up, and down.

> go east

After passing __ white doors on the right, you head up the first flight of stairs you can find, anxious to rid yourself of that chemical dye smell.


It's a place. Not much of interest. Exits lead west, which looks vaguely familiar, and east, which doesn't.

> go e

You head east, into a crystal grotto with tubular numbers. Passing __ crystal doors to the right, you approach the

Ice Palace

You peer into the palace's front door. Everything seems frozen in place, and you are afraid to touch anything for fear you might move it. Exits are east and west, and a nearby stairwell leads up to more tropical climates or down to depths unknown.

> go e

You move through the main hallway, noting the pretty colored bands on the floor. You notice __ fire hoses (how strange; you woudn't expect many fires in this area) before you reach the

End of the Road

The road ends here. Fortunately for you, there are exits from this depressing place north, south and west, and a stairwell leads up to heaven or down...well, down somewhere.

> go down, of course

I don't understand that.

> go down

You descend perhaps 30 feet (or perhaps 32.1741 feet) and turn right, then proceed down a hallway. Passing under a sign, you look around and find yourself in an

Oddly Disjointed Space

You get the feeling that time and space are bent here, otherwise this place could not exist. You debate taking the __ stairs to the northeast, plunging into the shaft, or going south.

> go s

You gladly leave the disjointed space and pass a series of graded rooms. At least, some of the rooms have been graded, __ of them receiving A's (what sort of grade is T, you wonder?). Finally the rooms dissolve into a space

In the Clouds

You must be high up--you can see the tops of trees from here! Clouds float all around you, looking oddly similar, as if magically duplicated from a single prototype. Exits from here lead north, south, west, down, and up.

> go w

You pass through a relatively normal hallway, though you suspect strange experiments are taking place all around you. You pass __ red wall boxes with warning lights and speakers; presumably these prevent said experiments from roaming freely throughout the halls of this place. You've seen enough terrifying things without adding any lurking horrors to the landscape. You approach

The Court

The court is in session, and from your perch you have a fine view of the proceedings there. Perhaps the strains of music to your right are court musicians. There are exits southeast, north, up, and down.

> go down

Descending the stairs, you make __ left turns before coming face to face with a


Eek! A fountain! Exits are up, down, east, north, and south.

> go s

Swallowing your fear, you turn around and prepare to flee the mighty Fountain, only to end up sucked out the door into

The Void

Oh well; not quite the direction you intended, but at least this got you away from that Fountain. You proceed down __ steps to the Sidewalk of the Void. Exits are...well, you can go any direction you want in The Void.

> go s

You head towards what you pretend is a river (of course, nothing exists in The Void) and you are drawn toward some

Ancient Ruins

You don't think you imagined the Ancient Ruins into existence, yet here they are. Funny-looking, really. Bored, you devise a sensible measurement system and determine that the Ruins are __ units tall. Maybe you should write a paper and name the units after yourself.

> go se

You face the "river" and head southeast. You pass a "lamppost" and reach some "stairs". You know, given that nothing is real, you might as well pretend you're in reality. It'll save you some quotation marks. Heading through the doors at the top of the stairs, your turn right and amble, like a sleepwalker, through a

World of Violets

Nary a string of white lights to be seen, and it's not December anymore. Regardless, there are __ radiators in this world. There's the exit you came in through, and another one, but you can't stay here.

> go se

You exit through the other door, and suddenly feel more awake. You scale the heights before you, making __ left turns and passing through a door before entering the


Funny, it's not circular. You see a sign advertising Vogon poetry on the wall. Exits are east or down.

> go e

Heading down the east rotary exit, you pass __ mail slots before coming to

Coyote Corner

Ha ha, that's funny. There's a staircase here, and exits to the west and north.

> go up

You ascend one flight and turn right. After you pass __ door handles, and many more door knobs, you are surprised to see a

Window Shop

Not just a place for looking through the window, though the windows do dominate the area; but in fact a place that specializes in helping you look through things. If only you could look through to the end of this trail! Exits are north, west, and south, and there is a stairwell here.

> go down

You go down one flight and head for the second, passing __ mail slots, only to stop, paralyzed with indecision.


There are so many ways to go here, you can't decide. You know your goal is near, however. What's it to be -- north, south, or down?

> go s

Worried that you're heading in circles and desperate to shake your sense of deja vu, you head south. You pass __ doors on the right, and as you reach the firehose, feel the tug of the key you're looking for from the right.

The Door

You've reached the door to the Matrix!

> open door

The door is locked.

> break in

That's illegal. You don't want to get arrested. What would your children think?

> get coin

There is no coin.

> get key

Well, that's the problem. How can you do that...